My Eyes / Struggling with reaching my fullest potential / Story of a Poem
Have you ever felt invisible? When I wrote “My Eyes”, this was how I was feeling. It felt like on the inside I was this strong woman full of potential, starting to emerge, but nobody could see me. Nobody could hear the woman on the inside screaming to be heard and seen.
When I was in my twenties, I was living with a group of friends in Minnesota in a small apartment. Each of us were considered apprentices and interns for the drama company ministry program that we had all been involved with together over the past few years.
As an apprentice for the group, we were now mentoring new people coming in and forming new groups for the drama ministry. We were held accountable to live an exemplary lifestyle and provided with mentors constantly offering guidance for our own growth and development.
The feedback that I constantly kept hearing at this time was “Wow, you have so much potential.” I began to HATE the word potential. The word potential is an adjective and is defined in the dictionary as having or showing the capacity to become or develop into something in the future.
To me potential sounded like a curse. I did not want to be referred to as the person with potential. I wanted to be the person that was reaching their fullest potential and I wanted it badly. I ached for it.
I was looking into the bathroom mirror one day. Staring at the reflection of myself and thinking about this “potential” that I had. I began to look deeply into my own eyes. I felt and still feel like eyes are the portal to our souls. The words of “My Eyes” began to flow. So, I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote this poem.
I can still relate to this poem. I am still haunted by the word potential, but I do feel that I have achieved letting out that strong woman that was screaming out to be heard.
Through my eyes what do you see?
Can you see my hurt, my pain and my misery?
Can you see me?
Can you see my joy, my smile, my passions and my desires?
What is IT in me?
You see what you choose to see!
Look close, come close to my face and look me square in the eyes,
I am here!
I am a loyal, trustworthy, good friend,
I am a woman, beautiful and full of life,
I am alluring at times,
I am a visionary, a dreamer at heart,
My dreams sometimes I fear to start for fear I will never finish,
I am always and forever tormented by the prospect of Heaven and Hell,
Heart pounding, mind racing, tears falling, palms sweating, I am afraid,
I am saddened by my very own memories of my own actions in the past,
Hurt by the inner me,
I am a woman with torment from my very soul,
Wishes actions, words and desires untold,
I am the person that questions my very soul,
I want to help you and everyone else living on this planet,
To help you handle the events that life throws your way,
The bumps and surprises we all experience along the way.
I long to experience love,
The friendship, the joy,
Just the feeling of it running through my veins,
To give my heart and to love and be loved in return,
Seeing and knowing every part of each other’s hearts,
Faults and strengths entwined into one,
I am a person you want to be around,
With happiness, my laugh you can hear from the other room,
I laugh because I want to bring joy to you,
I am a woman who at times wonders about my own sanity,
Is that real?
Did I really see that?
Moments in time where reality comes crashing down,
I scream and for a moment reality leaves and I am free,
When reality comes back I am sane,
Who am I?
Look deeply into my eyes, deeply now,
Who do you see?
You see a mirror, a reflection of yourself,
You see me.